Tip of the Iceberg

I think my challenge with this blog will be finding a way to keep it current and in-the-now. It’s so much easier for me to be able to recount my past than to confront the everydayness of my life. I’ve always been a really bad storyteller because I just don’t find my life interesting enough to recount. So many people out there can describe the simplest experience from their day and make it funny and meaningful. Me? I got nothin’. I see my life as a series of big events and choices that are spread out over the course of my life. If I haven’t chosen a college, or a major, or started to play a new sport, or won an award, or started a new job, or moved to a new city--I feel like I have nothing new to say. My life is routine, how interesting can routine be? I wake up (which is always painful—I hate getting out of bed), go through my morning routine, drive to my carpool partner’s house, we drive to work, get coffee, I sit down at my computer and check my e-mail and read my bloglines, and then try to force myself to work. I struggle with that all day. Then my carpool partner and I leave, go to her house to work out, I drive home, make dinner, talk to The Man (I seriously need a good nickname), we watch TV, I fall asleep on the couch, I go through my nighttime routine in the bathroom, we retreat to bed to read, and I fall asleep. That’s it. That’s how almost every workday plays out. Sometimes it’s broken up by us going to a friend’s house for dinner and TV, by out of town guests, by the rare concert event (we recently went to see a taping of This American Life—FANTASTIC), but really, that’s how it goes. The thing is, I like routine, but I’m bored wtih myself. I’ve struggled since college with my lack of hobbies. I love watching TV and being at home. Sometimes when we’re out I’ll look into other people’s apartments and see them home and feel jealous. But then I’ll get mad at myself because so often I feel like I’m wasting my life. I’m young! I should be out there! Doing things! Taking piano, making art projects, finding my bliss! But I don’t. And as The Man and I get closer to getting married this summer (WOW is THAT a long story) and thereby we get closer to having kids (holy crap), the ticking gets louder…if I don’t find a new and more satisfying career now, I never will! If I don't engage in hobbies and classes I never will! If I don’t spend more time going out and seeing concerts I never will! Because once the kiddies arrive, we will never have the time and energy to do anything ever again. It’s terrible. Kids almost feel like the default hobby. They take so much time and energy there isn’t time for anything else. I know these are all pretty typical thoughts for my age and stage, and I hear that life isn’t necessarily over when you have kids (as long as you can find and afford a baby sitter), but the thought of not figuring my shit out before I’m consumed by parenthood dominates a lot of my thoughts. And I’m not sure what to do about it.