When No One Is Looking

Today on the way to work I found myself in a familiar situation. I drive on a road that has two lanes each way. The turn-off to my work is on the right. At a certain point it doesn’t really make sense to pass anyone because I’m going to have to turn soon. More often than not, I end up behind someone going too slow. (Has anyone else ever wanted to honk at the person in front of them just to get them to speed up a little?) I am so impatient that I can feel my stress level skyrocket in these kinds of situations. This morning the conversation I had with myself went something like “It’s okay. La-dee-da. Just going to work. No rush. Enjoy the drive. No big deal. Doot-dee-doo.” I knew it would be ridiculous, not to mention dangerous, to navigate the traffic to get around the one car in front of me even though I was almost there. So I stayed put and suffered.

My impatience can astound me. Part of it comes from the desire to be as efficient as possible, which involves making the best choices. The problem is that picking lanes can be so unpredictable that there is just no way to know if what you’re doing is going to work. The perfectionist in me hates that. At this point I’ve carefully evaluated which lanes to be in at different points along my drive so as to increase the chance that I’ll move along the most quickly. But there are times when the driving gods punish me and no matter what I do I somehow end up behind a bus that stops every 50 yards, a college student on a scooter that can’t go faster than 20 mph, or a bicyclist who doesn’t know how to ride in a straight line.

Sometimes I try to play games to trick myself into not caring about whether I'm in the best (read: fastest) lane. Recently that has involved watching people in my rearview mirror while stopped at a red light. It can be really interesting. It started when I noticed a young couple behind me. They were laughing and goofing off, pecking, and truly enjoying each other’s company. They had big grins on their faces, which made me smile. People do a lot of interesting things when they think no one is watching.

Of course this makes me wonder how I look to people who might catch me in their rearview mirror. Most of the time I don’t think about it, but when I do, I must look totally bored or angry. Is that my default way of being? Ugh, I hate the thought of that. I wish I was better at being patient and calm rather than irritated and grouchy. [insert cheesy quotation about enjoying the journey here.] I’m not that way around the people I know (i.e., when people are watching), so which version of me is the most true?

Okay! Enough introspection! Fun new car game! Assign points to what you see in the rearview mirror! Great for kids on road trips!

15 points: Seeing something sexually explicit being done to the driver (This has yet to happen, but it must be going on, right? Or is that just in the movies?)
10 points: Someone drinking coffee, smoking, and talking on their cell phone all at the same time (I saw this last week)
7 points: Someone grinning for no obvious reason (This can be a little creepy. Are they listening to something funny? Are they thinking about the affair they just had? Are they thinking about jumping out of the car and leaving it there?)
5 points: Two people arguing (trying to read lips can be entertaining)
5 points: Someone talking with their hands while on their cell phone (seriously, no one can see you gesturing!!!)
5 points: Someone picking their nose (Really? Is that necessary? You’re not invisible!)
3 points: Enthusiastic head bopping to the music on their radio and or singing along (5 bonus points if you can tune your radio to the same song they are listening to based on the rhythm of the bopping)
1 point: Just for looking